Thursday, May 8, 2008


Things have been a little bit nuts lately! We are back in town again. We were packing for our trip with the intention of carrying on all of our luggage. Fortunately, right before we left, I realized that the HUGE NEEDLES I had packed in case I needed progesterone injections meant we really couldn't carry everything on.

Unfortunately, we didn't need the needles. I only made it to Peak+12! Usually, it's at least Peak+13. No letrozole this cycle either. I must be a pain in the neck patient. I asked the nurse if I could take it this cycle. She said that the doctor would probably say "no" because my hormones were good last cycle (progesterone was 27 at Peak+7), and then asked if I was taking letrozole when I conceived. Yes--the only time I took it! So, as predicted, the doctor said no, but he did order estradiol tests every other day around ovulation to see what's going on. My doctor's office isn't doing weekend blood draws any more, so I'll have to go to the lab to have my first one on Saturday. Should be interesting . . .

I started taking a higher dosage of T3 this week, and I'm taking the antibiotics for the first part of the cycle again. I've hardly slept at all for the past three nights (I think it's the increased T3, because I've also been starving, so it looks like it's increasing my metabolism), I've been feeling anxious, and I had about every digestive symptom you can name on Tuesday (from the antibiotics). Not fun.

I've been feeling a bit down about the baby stuff lately. I hope I don't get upset while I'm singing at church on Sunday. I was looking forward to being one of the lucky ones who gets a blessing on Mother's Day. I also found out a woman I work with is pregnant. I'm really happy for her, and happy there will be another new mom around the office when it finally happens for Mr. X and me (I really hope she's still a new mom by the time I become one). But, oh, I felt jealous. I was hoping that this spring I'd be announcing my pregnancy and planning my maternity leave! Only one person at work knows about the miscarriage, and no one at church knows.

In other news . . . I made dinner tonight for a friend who is recovering from surgery. The surgery happened while we were out of town, and a very nice lady organized meals to go to the family. I felt bad about not being able to participate. So, I saw her last night and found out that people are still sending meals over! I asked if she needed any more, and she said that she was going to make dinner today, but if I really wanted to, I could. Well, she's already done so much (she's been running the meals over every day for almost two weeks), and I really wanted to help, so I gulped and said "sure!" So, I ran home early today and frantically cooked chicken, baked potatoes, and green beans, and made a salad. I had been contemplating stuffed shells . . . lasagna . . . and then I remembered that I no longer try to impress people with my cooking (more about that tomorrow). The thing is, between the renovations, the trip, and general craziness, the house is a disaster! I hoped I'd have time to clean up before the nice lady came to pick up the food, but I didn't. So, my plan was to run out the door as she pulled up so that she wouldn't see the awfulness. Unfortunately, Wonderdog did not alert me in time! I reached the door just as she reached the door, Wonderdog tried to make a break for it while the door was open . . . so, she did get a glimpse, but the dog's escape attempt gave me a good reason to slip out the door and close it behind me before we walked down the driveway to her car. Argh! Someday, I will have my house in order!

I've tried the FlyLady thing many times. To me, the whole thing is about establishing good habits. So, I decided while we were on our trip that I'm going to wake up at the same time every day. OK, bear with me with this--I know it seems goofy, but I've always had a hard time getting up in the morning. My parents sometimes literally dragged me out of bed. And my work schedule is irregular, so I tend to get up whenever I have to. Well, OK, half an hour after I have to. And Mr. X and I decided that work can no longer run our lives. We tend to stay up as late as our work requires and sleep until we have to get up and work. I decided no more. So, it probably seems goofy, but getting up at the same time every morning is my way of taking my life back from work. This way, I set my schedule, and work fits into my life, rather than my life fitting around my work. So, I've made it for four mornings so far. And until I have that habit down, I'm not going to try to add another good habit.

Well, maybe I should try posting more often. :) Then, I wouldn't end up with these long, stream-of-consciousness posts. Well, OK, maybe I would do that anyway.


Jen said...

That is exactly what I do with the habits. One at a time until I do them sleepwalking. And then starting over again when I lapse! Right now I am trying to get better about waiting before I back the car up. It sounds like a weird one, I know, but I am trying to wait those three seconds before backing up to make sure I don't hit any random people that might be behind my car.

LifeHopes said...

I enjoyed reading this post so much!
First, here is a big hug for you and a reminder that you will become a mother someday. I am right there with you though in the sorrows department. It can be so difficult sometimes.
Also, I didn't realize that Letrazole had helped to do the trick for you. I took it this cycle and so it is encouraging to hear that it worked for you.

allyouwhohope said...

Yes! Post more often! If not for you, do it for those of use who check everyday and are in need of updates!

Just curious - do you have any kind of official diagnosis at this point, since your endometriosis and PCOS have been treated? And did the wedge surgery you had for it completely rid you of PCOS, or are you on medication? And (one more question, sorry!) what are the antibiotics for (they're not related to the T3 are they)?

Sorry for the interrogation. It's just that our situations are pretty similar. I hope you start feeling better soon, and I hope Sunday goes okay.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

I think of it as a blessing in disguise that Mother's Day is also Pentecost Sunday this year... now we can just concentrate on the birthday of the Church instead of on that one thing that occupies our thoughts every other day of the year :)
I truly feel that you (and I, and all who struggle with infertility) are already mothers, and fantastic mothers at that. Look at what you've gone through, just to be able to carry your child... motherhood is about sacrifice, and you've already made the most crucial ones :) So, Happy Mother's Day to you and to all of us.


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