Well, Mother's Day has been kind of weird. I had to take Mr. X to the airport first thing in the morning for a business trip, and then I went on to sing at church. The fact that it is also Pentecost helped in that the mass was clearly focused on Pentecost, and more people were wearing red for Pentecost than were wearing flowers for Mother's Day. It was a struggle, though. There were so many kids there. I tried to focus and pray for the other people I know who were there at mass--the young woman who lost her mother, the godmother of a seriously ill child--and everyone else who is dealing with infertility and loss.
We had a first communion today, too. Oh my gosh, he was adorable. The family sat up in the first pew, and they were all so happy. The little guy is the third of four kids, and they were all in their Sunday best, with his sisters in matching dresses. He was all smiles through the whole mass. Then, when he was called up for communion, he bounded out of the pew and ran up the stairs to the altar. The priest always comes down the stairs to distribute communion, so he gently guided the boy back down the stairs with him, and people couldn't help but laugh. Fortunately, the laughter didn't seem to make him self-conscious. It was just the cutest thing!
The blessing didn't come until the end of mass, when we were all standing already for the final blessing. So the priest asked everyone but the mothers to sit down. It was a weird feeling. On the one hand, I feel like I really am a mother, even though my baby isn't here. And I could certainly use the blessing. If I were sitting out there in the congregation where no one I really knew could see me, maybe I would have stayed standing. But I was up in front of the church with the choir. If I were to stay standing, the rest of the choir would assume I was pregnant (heck, I just had to go to the bathroom during mass a few weeks ago, and everyone thought I was pregnant then!), and no one at the church knows about the miscarriage. But having to go and sit down was harder than just not standing up, if that makes any sense. So, I made it through mass pretty well, but it seemed like every few minutes I was having to choke back tears, which doesn't make for the best singing I've ever done.
After mass, I cleaned the house a bit, then took a nap--for four hours! When I woke up, I called my mom and cleaned some more. My mom's coming to visit this week, so I'm going to a little more cleaning before I go to sleep--I've spent more time online than I intended to (how unusual for me--ha!), so I'd better get to it!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Another update
I wrote a post about my reasons for not trying to impress people with their cooking, but I want to read that one over again before I post it. So here's another update on the infertility stuff. The doctor ordered a series of estradiol tests around ovulation to determine if I need letrozole. The first test falls tomorrow. Saturday!
My doctor's not available to do the blood test, so I started calling around to labs. Oh my gosh! You would think this was the weirdest request they've ever heard. The issue is that the sample's supposed to be sent to Omaha for analysis. Since my doctor's office is going to collect the other samples and mail them, it would just mean sending the sample to my doctor's office. One lab was pretty reasonable. They said I could bring the order and the shipping package, they could provide the tube, and I could ship the sample myself. But it turns out that my insurance doesn't cover that lab! The lab my insurance does cover wanted a kit and insisted on shipping it themselves. Which means I'd need to pay for shipping to get the sample to my doctor's office on Monday morning . . . when I will be there myself for another blood draw. Argh!
So, I called my doctor's office, and the staff members weren't sure what to recommend. I figured that, if they had a kit for me to pick up, I'd better get there before 5. And if they didn't have a kit for me to pick up, I'd beg for a blood draw today--after all, it would only be one day off. So, I just drove to the office and got there about 15 minutes before they closed. They were so nice! Not that I was surprised by that--they're always great. They put together a kit for me, but then we needed to figure out how to get the sample sent to the local doctor's office instead of to Omaha. So, when the doctor was finished with his patient, he talked to me and suggested that I try the other NaPro doctor in the area (I know, it's an embarrassment of riches to have two within driving distance) to see if they could do a blood draw tomorrow. Since it wasn't yet closing time, he called the other doctor himself and got me set up for tomorrow morning. How much does my doctor rock?
Allyouwhohope asked a few questions, too! (And, allyouwhohope, I really need to e-mail you--I'm sorry I've been so slow!) I do have a diagnosis of PCOS. My surgery included an ovarian wedge resection, but I'm still receiving treatment for the hormone dysfunction. Much to my disappointment, when I was off treatment following the miscarriage, my hormone levels were not good. So, I'm still getting hCG injections on Peak+3, +5, +7, and +9 to stimulate my body to produce estrogen and progesterone. My ultrasounds (pre-surgery) didn't reveal any ovulation problems, but the one letrozole cycle I had was the one cycle I conceived. The antibiotics are intended to fix the brown bleeding I've had. I found out that the protocol is a full cycle of antibiotics in the first cycle, then antibiotics for the first 10 days of the following seven cycles. Only one more to go!
Well, we're going to watch a movie, so I should go!
My doctor's not available to do the blood test, so I started calling around to labs. Oh my gosh! You would think this was the weirdest request they've ever heard. The issue is that the sample's supposed to be sent to Omaha for analysis. Since my doctor's office is going to collect the other samples and mail them, it would just mean sending the sample to my doctor's office. One lab was pretty reasonable. They said I could bring the order and the shipping package, they could provide the tube, and I could ship the sample myself. But it turns out that my insurance doesn't cover that lab! The lab my insurance does cover wanted a kit and insisted on shipping it themselves. Which means I'd need to pay for shipping to get the sample to my doctor's office on Monday morning . . . when I will be there myself for another blood draw. Argh!
So, I called my doctor's office, and the staff members weren't sure what to recommend. I figured that, if they had a kit for me to pick up, I'd better get there before 5. And if they didn't have a kit for me to pick up, I'd beg for a blood draw today--after all, it would only be one day off. So, I just drove to the office and got there about 15 minutes before they closed. They were so nice! Not that I was surprised by that--they're always great. They put together a kit for me, but then we needed to figure out how to get the sample sent to the local doctor's office instead of to Omaha. So, when the doctor was finished with his patient, he talked to me and suggested that I try the other NaPro doctor in the area (I know, it's an embarrassment of riches to have two within driving distance) to see if they could do a blood draw tomorrow. Since it wasn't yet closing time, he called the other doctor himself and got me set up for tomorrow morning. How much does my doctor rock?
Allyouwhohope asked a few questions, too! (And, allyouwhohope, I really need to e-mail you--I'm sorry I've been so slow!) I do have a diagnosis of PCOS. My surgery included an ovarian wedge resection, but I'm still receiving treatment for the hormone dysfunction. Much to my disappointment, when I was off treatment following the miscarriage, my hormone levels were not good. So, I'm still getting hCG injections on Peak+3, +5, +7, and +9 to stimulate my body to produce estrogen and progesterone. My ultrasounds (pre-surgery) didn't reveal any ovulation problems, but the one letrozole cycle I had was the one cycle I conceived. The antibiotics are intended to fix the brown bleeding I've had. I found out that the protocol is a full cycle of antibiotics in the first cycle, then antibiotics for the first 10 days of the following seven cycles. Only one more to go!
Well, we're going to watch a movie, so I should go!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Update
Things have been a little bit nuts lately! We are back in town again. We were packing for our trip with the intention of carrying on all of our luggage. Fortunately, right before we left, I realized that the HUGE NEEDLES I had packed in case I needed progesterone injections meant we really couldn't carry everything on.
Unfortunately, we didn't need the needles. I only made it to Peak+12! Usually, it's at least Peak+13. No letrozole this cycle either. I must be a pain in the neck patient. I asked the nurse if I could take it this cycle. She said that the doctor would probably say "no" because my hormones were good last cycle (progesterone was 27 at Peak+7), and then asked if I was taking letrozole when I conceived. Yes--the only time I took it! So, as predicted, the doctor said no, but he did order estradiol tests every other day around ovulation to see what's going on. My doctor's office isn't doing weekend blood draws any more, so I'll have to go to the lab to have my first one on Saturday. Should be interesting . . .
I started taking a higher dosage of T3 this week, and I'm taking the antibiotics for the first part of the cycle again. I've hardly slept at all for the past three nights (I think it's the increased T3, because I've also been starving, so it looks like it's increasing my metabolism), I've been feeling anxious, and I had about every digestive symptom you can name on Tuesday (from the antibiotics). Not fun.
I've been feeling a bit down about the baby stuff lately. I hope I don't get upset while I'm singing at church on Sunday. I was looking forward to being one of the lucky ones who gets a blessing on Mother's Day. I also found out a woman I work with is pregnant. I'm really happy for her, and happy there will be another new mom around the office when it finally happens for Mr. X and me (I really hope she's still a new mom by the time I become one). But, oh, I felt jealous. I was hoping that this spring I'd be announcing my pregnancy and planning my maternity leave! Only one person at work knows about the miscarriage, and no one at church knows.
In other news . . . I made dinner tonight for a friend who is recovering from surgery. The surgery happened while we were out of town, and a very nice lady organized meals to go to the family. I felt bad about not being able to participate. So, I saw her last night and found out that people are still sending meals over! I asked if she needed any more, and she said that she was going to make dinner today, but if I really wanted to, I could. Well, she's already done so much (she's been running the meals over every day for almost two weeks), and I really wanted to help, so I gulped and said "sure!" So, I ran home early today and frantically cooked chicken, baked potatoes, and green beans, and made a salad. I had been contemplating stuffed shells . . . lasagna . . . and then I remembered that I no longer try to impress people with my cooking (more about that tomorrow). The thing is, between the renovations, the trip, and general craziness, the house is a disaster! I hoped I'd have time to clean up before the nice lady came to pick up the food, but I didn't. So, my plan was to run out the door as she pulled up so that she wouldn't see the awfulness. Unfortunately, Wonderdog did not alert me in time! I reached the door just as she reached the door, Wonderdog tried to make a break for it while the door was open . . . so, she did get a glimpse, but the dog's escape attempt gave me a good reason to slip out the door and close it behind me before we walked down the driveway to her car. Argh! Someday, I will have my house in order!
I've tried the FlyLady thing many times. To me, the whole thing is about establishing good habits. So, I decided while we were on our trip that I'm going to wake up at the same time every day. OK, bear with me with this--I know it seems goofy, but I've always had a hard time getting up in the morning. My parents sometimes literally dragged me out of bed. And my work schedule is irregular, so I tend to get up whenever I have to. Well, OK, half an hour after I have to. And Mr. X and I decided that work can no longer run our lives. We tend to stay up as late as our work requires and sleep until we have to get up and work. I decided no more. So, it probably seems goofy, but getting up at the same time every morning is my way of taking my life back from work. This way, I set my schedule, and work fits into my life, rather than my life fitting around my work. So, I've made it for four mornings so far. And until I have that habit down, I'm not going to try to add another good habit.
Well, maybe I should try posting more often. :) Then, I wouldn't end up with these long, stream-of-consciousness posts. Well, OK, maybe I would do that anyway.
Unfortunately, we didn't need the needles. I only made it to Peak+12! Usually, it's at least Peak+13. No letrozole this cycle either. I must be a pain in the neck patient. I asked the nurse if I could take it this cycle. She said that the doctor would probably say "no" because my hormones were good last cycle (progesterone was 27 at Peak+7), and then asked if I was taking letrozole when I conceived. Yes--the only time I took it! So, as predicted, the doctor said no, but he did order estradiol tests every other day around ovulation to see what's going on. My doctor's office isn't doing weekend blood draws any more, so I'll have to go to the lab to have my first one on Saturday. Should be interesting . . .
I started taking a higher dosage of T3 this week, and I'm taking the antibiotics for the first part of the cycle again. I've hardly slept at all for the past three nights (I think it's the increased T3, because I've also been starving, so it looks like it's increasing my metabolism), I've been feeling anxious, and I had about every digestive symptom you can name on Tuesday (from the antibiotics). Not fun.
I've been feeling a bit down about the baby stuff lately. I hope I don't get upset while I'm singing at church on Sunday. I was looking forward to being one of the lucky ones who gets a blessing on Mother's Day. I also found out a woman I work with is pregnant. I'm really happy for her, and happy there will be another new mom around the office when it finally happens for Mr. X and me (I really hope she's still a new mom by the time I become one). But, oh, I felt jealous. I was hoping that this spring I'd be announcing my pregnancy and planning my maternity leave! Only one person at work knows about the miscarriage, and no one at church knows.
In other news . . . I made dinner tonight for a friend who is recovering from surgery. The surgery happened while we were out of town, and a very nice lady organized meals to go to the family. I felt bad about not being able to participate. So, I saw her last night and found out that people are still sending meals over! I asked if she needed any more, and she said that she was going to make dinner today, but if I really wanted to, I could. Well, she's already done so much (she's been running the meals over every day for almost two weeks), and I really wanted to help, so I gulped and said "sure!" So, I ran home early today and frantically cooked chicken, baked potatoes, and green beans, and made a salad. I had been contemplating stuffed shells . . . lasagna . . . and then I remembered that I no longer try to impress people with my cooking (more about that tomorrow). The thing is, between the renovations, the trip, and general craziness, the house is a disaster! I hoped I'd have time to clean up before the nice lady came to pick up the food, but I didn't. So, my plan was to run out the door as she pulled up so that she wouldn't see the awfulness. Unfortunately, Wonderdog did not alert me in time! I reached the door just as she reached the door, Wonderdog tried to make a break for it while the door was open . . . so, she did get a glimpse, but the dog's escape attempt gave me a good reason to slip out the door and close it behind me before we walked down the driveway to her car. Argh! Someday, I will have my house in order!
I've tried the FlyLady thing many times. To me, the whole thing is about establishing good habits. So, I decided while we were on our trip that I'm going to wake up at the same time every day. OK, bear with me with this--I know it seems goofy, but I've always had a hard time getting up in the morning. My parents sometimes literally dragged me out of bed. And my work schedule is irregular, so I tend to get up whenever I have to. Well, OK, half an hour after I have to. And Mr. X and I decided that work can no longer run our lives. We tend to stay up as late as our work requires and sleep until we have to get up and work. I decided no more. So, it probably seems goofy, but getting up at the same time every morning is my way of taking my life back from work. This way, I set my schedule, and work fits into my life, rather than my life fitting around my work. So, I've made it for four mornings so far. And until I have that habit down, I'm not going to try to add another good habit.
Well, maybe I should try posting more often. :) Then, I wouldn't end up with these long, stream-of-consciousness posts. Well, OK, maybe I would do that anyway.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
28!
We froze 28 breakfast burritos yesterday! Oh my gosh, that was a big job! It worked out fairly well, but I bought whole wheat tortillas, and the only ones I could find were tiny. So we have teeny little breakfast burritos . . . which are fine for me, since I usually don't eat breakfast (one of the points of the Great Breakfast Burrito Experiment is to have something substantial that I can grab and eat). I had one this morning, and it was pretty good.
Other than that . . . things are pretty good. I had my peak+7 blood draw today. I'm going to be out of town on peak+16 (if there should be such a thing), so I'm packing my progesterone, needles, and addresses of nearby labs, just in case. Of course, this is the first chance since the miscarriage, so I'm not counting on anything. And no letrozole this cycle. I was really surprised by that. I felt kind of like a whiny kid--"Whyt can't I have the letrozole? Please can I have the letrozole?" It's mocking me in its little medicine bottle on my nightstand (I had the prescription filled back in January because, if I hadn't been pregnant, I would have needed it for that cycle).
The latest opera is over, things are good at work, the anxiety is still there but at a manageable level, so things are pretty OK.
Oh! And--I can't believe I didn't mention this sooner--Mr. X finished removing the paint from our fireplace, and we hung up towel bars in the remodeled bathroom last weekend. I'm so unreasonably excited about those accomplishments! And Mr. X gave me a new pocket digital camera for Valentine's Day, so I may try to post some actual pictures. Can you imagine? Pictures on this very plain blog . . .
Other than that . . . things are pretty good. I had my peak+7 blood draw today. I'm going to be out of town on peak+16 (if there should be such a thing), so I'm packing my progesterone, needles, and addresses of nearby labs, just in case. Of course, this is the first chance since the miscarriage, so I'm not counting on anything. And no letrozole this cycle. I was really surprised by that. I felt kind of like a whiny kid--"Whyt can't I have the letrozole? Please can I have the letrozole?" It's mocking me in its little medicine bottle on my nightstand (I had the prescription filled back in January because, if I hadn't been pregnant, I would have needed it for that cycle).
The latest opera is over, things are good at work, the anxiety is still there but at a manageable level, so things are pretty OK.
Oh! And--I can't believe I didn't mention this sooner--Mr. X finished removing the paint from our fireplace, and we hung up towel bars in the remodeled bathroom last weekend. I'm so unreasonably excited about those accomplishments! And Mr. X gave me a new pocket digital camera for Valentine's Day, so I may try to post some actual pictures. Can you imagine? Pictures on this very plain blog . . .
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Back again
So, I'm finally doing the meme that All You Who Hope tagged me for . . . it only took me how long?
Rules of the meme:
1. Post these rules of the game first.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names. Then the tagger goes to the blogs of those who have been tagged & leaves a comment letting new players know they’ve been tagged. The tagger asks them to find the meme and instructions back at his/her blog.
What I was doing 10 years ago: Hmm . . . I was in grad school 10 years ago. Oh my gosh, am I that old?
Five things on my To Do List today:
1. Make an appointment for a blood draw (check)
2. Make a huge batch of breakfast burritos (working on it)
3. Call a friend I've been meaning to call for a long time (check)
4. Work (check)
5. Hmm . . . take my vitamins (well . . . I took more than half!)
Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. I would donate tons of money to PPVI so they could conduct research wherever there's a need (OK, I stole that one from All You Who Hope because it's really good!)
2. Donate money to good causes (like the local seminary, pro-life causes, etc.)
3. Pay off all debt for everyone in our family
4. Travel the world
5. Try to be a singer/actor for real (and work on my dancing, too, but who are we kidding, here? I'll never be a real dancer :-> )
Three of my bad habits:
1. procrastination
2. tardiness (hmm . . . maybe those two are related)
3. spending too much time online
Five places I have lived (OK, since I'm trying to be anonymous, I decided to go with actual homes rather than cities):
1. My parents' house
2. Dorm room (three different dorm rooms, with four different roommates--two of whom were great, two of whom gave me lots of good stories to tell)
3. My own teeny apartment (three times)
4. Cool two-bedroom apartment with a roommate (twice--one great roommate, one crummy roommate who gave me lots of stories to tell)
5. Our current house
Five jobs I’ve had:
1. babysitter for a kid who locked me out of the house on the first day
2. engineering intern
3. drugstore cashier
4. coach
5. singer
Five people I want to know more about: Hmm . . . I think I'm about the last one I know to do this . . .
Rules of the meme:
1. Post these rules of the game first.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names. Then the tagger goes to the blogs of those who have been tagged & leaves a comment letting new players know they’ve been tagged. The tagger asks them to find the meme and instructions back at his/her blog.
What I was doing 10 years ago: Hmm . . . I was in grad school 10 years ago. Oh my gosh, am I that old?
Five things on my To Do List today:
1. Make an appointment for a blood draw (check)
2. Make a huge batch of breakfast burritos (working on it)
3. Call a friend I've been meaning to call for a long time (check)
4. Work (check)
5. Hmm . . . take my vitamins (well . . . I took more than half!)
Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. I would donate tons of money to PPVI so they could conduct research wherever there's a need (OK, I stole that one from All You Who Hope because it's really good!)
2. Donate money to good causes (like the local seminary, pro-life causes, etc.)
3. Pay off all debt for everyone in our family
4. Travel the world
5. Try to be a singer/actor for real (and work on my dancing, too, but who are we kidding, here? I'll never be a real dancer :-> )
Three of my bad habits:
1. procrastination
2. tardiness (hmm . . . maybe those two are related)
3. spending too much time online
Five places I have lived (OK, since I'm trying to be anonymous, I decided to go with actual homes rather than cities):
1. My parents' house
2. Dorm room (three different dorm rooms, with four different roommates--two of whom were great, two of whom gave me lots of good stories to tell)
3. My own teeny apartment (three times)
4. Cool two-bedroom apartment with a roommate (twice--one great roommate, one crummy roommate who gave me lots of stories to tell)
5. Our current house
Five jobs I’ve had:
1. babysitter for a kid who locked me out of the house on the first day
2. engineering intern
3. drugstore cashier
4. coach
5. singer
Five people I want to know more about: Hmm . . . I think I'm about the last one I know to do this . . .
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Moving right along . . .
Well, things are getting better. The anxiety was pretty much better by last Friday--I still feel anxious every once in a while (mornings mostly), but it's manageable. I think it's getting better as I cross more tasks off of my overwhelming "to do" list, too. Thank you for the support!
I had a great appointment with the doctor on Friday. They scheduled me for a whole hour. Can you believe it? The doctor's office called me to come in and consult with the doctor for an hour. I don't think I've ever had a whole hour with any other doctor ever. We went over my charts, I talked about the anxiety, and we talked about possible treatments going forward.
I'm swamped with work, the opera, and other stuff, but I'm going to try to do the memes that allyouwhohope and Jen tagged me for next!
I had a great appointment with the doctor on Friday. They scheduled me for a whole hour. Can you believe it? The doctor's office called me to come in and consult with the doctor for an hour. I don't think I've ever had a whole hour with any other doctor ever. We went over my charts, I talked about the anxiety, and we talked about possible treatments going forward.
I'm swamped with work, the opera, and other stuff, but I'm going to try to do the memes that allyouwhohope and Jen tagged me for next!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
More of the same
Well, I slept better last night. I've been anxious all day, though. It's the pits. I sat in my office trying not to cry. I really wish my husband wasn't out of town.
I found out my hormone levels for the month today. My progesterone was above 20, so that's much better than 7 last month, but my estradiol dropped to 9.9. The doctor wants me to come in, so I've got an appointment for Friday. I told the doctor's assistant about my anxiety and my idea that it's related to my hormones. She immediately mentioned the connection between progesterone and post-partum depression and said I should talk to the doctor about it. I'm just so grateful to have medical people to work with who don't dismiss my ideas or questions. I called in to PPVI today because my period started, so I should get to talk to a nurse tomorrow, too.
Well, that's about all I've got in me today. I'm really tired and I'm hungry, but too nervous to eat! Two people have asked me if I've lost weight. I only lose weight when I'm anxious, because I have trouble eating. I finally called two friends who I thought would sympathize, but I didn't get through to either one. I hate this feeling!
I found out my hormone levels for the month today. My progesterone was above 20, so that's much better than 7 last month, but my estradiol dropped to 9.9. The doctor wants me to come in, so I've got an appointment for Friday. I told the doctor's assistant about my anxiety and my idea that it's related to my hormones. She immediately mentioned the connection between progesterone and post-partum depression and said I should talk to the doctor about it. I'm just so grateful to have medical people to work with who don't dismiss my ideas or questions. I called in to PPVI today because my period started, so I should get to talk to a nurse tomorrow, too.
Well, that's about all I've got in me today. I'm really tired and I'm hungry, but too nervous to eat! Two people have asked me if I've lost weight. I only lose weight when I'm anxious, because I have trouble eating. I finally called two friends who I thought would sympathize, but I didn't get through to either one. I hate this feeling!
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