Thursday, September 17, 2009

Tough Day

I feel kind of bad even posting this with all the blessings I have, but today was a little bit rough. I woke up just feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. I mean, Mr. X and I have both been home with both kids for almost four weeks now, but I feel like we're barely taking care of things. The kids are happy (well, the little guy is as happy as he can be in this adjustment phase), healthy, fed, and clothed, which I know is the important thing. It just makes me nervous for when he goes back to work--and for when I go back to work. How are we going to do everything? And then I really hate the thought of someone else taking care of my kids! I'm feeling better now. After having a stupid argument with Mr. X, I finally told him I was feeling overwhelmed, and talking about it helped.

The babies are doing really well. The little guy is adjusting to us, and he really is just such a happy little boy! He cracked me up today when I came out of the bathroom (where I had been crying) and saw that he had put his favorite ball inside a little plastic bin and then squeezed his feet in there, too, and tried to sit down. When he saw me, he smiled and started bouncing up and down where he was sitting on the edge of the bin. The baby is doing great. She gained 13 ounces this past week, so I think we are out of the woods for now with the weight gain concern. She's getting chubby cheeks and multiple chins, so that's a good thing. Right now, we're trying to figure out how to keep her diapers from leaking. I have to admit that we haven't gotten the cloth diapering going. We put a cloth diaper on the baby for the first time when she was five days old. It was the middle of the night, I know I didn't get the diaper on her right, and she woke up two hours later with her clothes and sheets soaking wet--and that's when we saw that I was hemorrhaging and went back to the hospital. So, figuring out the cloth diapers became a low priority! Mr. X brought up the idea again a couple of weeks ago, but I suggested that we wait until our son was home a month before revisiting it--and that's coming up in a few days, which is kind of hard to believe. The issue with the baby's diapers (I think) is that she's not a round, chubby baby--she's thin for her height. So I think the issue is that the elastic around her belly and her legs just is not very tight, so when she has a really full diaper, it just goes everywhere. Right now, we have her in a disposable diaper (we just moved her to size 1) with a diaper cover over it. I think it's kind of funny, but it seems to help a bit.

Anyway, I have to run and get some sleep myself. I'm trying to hire someone as a mother's helper to come in just a few hours a week. Right now, that's definitely pushing it financially, but we can probably afford just a few hours, and I think it could make a big difference. Just to be able to get a few more things done, having someone to help so Mr. X can paint the bedroom doors, or someone to clean a bathroom or fold the laundry, or watch the kids while I shower, would be such a great thing!

I hope I'm not coming off as too whiny, but I think it's good to acknowledge the realities of the situation. I talked to a good friend when their twins (adopted as newborns) were about six months old. We had commiserated about our fertility problems and lost babies, and I was thrilled for them when they adopted. Six months in, she said to me "hard-won babies are still hard." I talked to a (married, with small children) Catholic missionary after mass on Sunday, and he said that he likes to make sure the college students he works with understand that marriage and family life are about sanctification--he said he tells them that you shouldn't get married because you want to, but because you're ready to die to self. Those have been good reminders when I feel like "we waited and wanted these babies so badly, we should do everything perfectly and be happy and grateful all the time." I do try to be grateful all the time, and I love these babies more than I knew was even possible, but it's still harder than I imagined!

12 comments:

Sew said...

I imagine that it is one of the hardest things to do.....

In marriage alone, we can see our own faults and inadequacies. I can't imagine handling an INNOCENT soul! hahaha!

Get ye behind me satan.....God trusted you with these babies and He thinks you are doing a wonderful job! He loves you and supports you!

HereWeGoAJen said...

Oh heavens, the early stages with one newborn baby are SO hard. Throw an adjusting toddler in there and I am surprised you had time to type this.

Don't worry about the cloth diapers until you feel ready. We did disposible until I felt under control and then I waited another week or two. A little more time might let her grow into them a bit more too. There's definitely a technique to closing them up right too that will help you avoid the leaks around the legs. (It's hard to describe, but you kind of pull the back up higher than the front and then pull the tabs downward. And it helps me to close it twice. Close one side, close the other side, go back and tighten the first side, go back and tighten the second side.)

At this stage, you are just trying to survive. I didn't feel like my life was under control for months and I only had the one baby. It will get better and you CAN do it. You are doing a great job already.

Tridentine Wife said...

I don't think you sound whiny at al, I applaud for not trying to pretend that motherhood is perfect.

A note on the cloth diaper situation, my dear SIL (who has used cloth diapers for both of her babies and is somewhat of an expert) suggests not using them at night, b/c they can't hold up very well to the amount of waste a baby can produce through the night. I just got 3 cloth diapers from a company called "fuzzi-bunz" and they have what's called a 'one size' diaper where the snaps are adjustable to fit even the tiniest baby. Check out their website: http://www.fuzzibunz.com/one_size_diaper.php#

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

I feel the TOTAL OPPOSITE. I think the harder someone worked to get their children, the more of a right they have to complain about the hardships of parenthood!! After all, they had a HEAVY cross to bear to get to parenthood, so they should be cut a break with nothing but Happy Days from there on in :) Anyway, as someone still battling infertility and hoping to adopt, I much prefer to hear the "truth" of parenthood from someone I know isn't JUST COMPLAINING. You know those people. The super fertile ones. Yeah. Me no like-y to hear THEM complain. But their complaints have no substance. Yours are totally valid.
My 2 cents.

Beth said...

Hey, feel free to email me at regs78 at yahoo and we can discuss cloth diapering. And also there's a definite adjustment period going from 0 to 1 kid, and then 1 to 2. After you get to your "new normal" things get a LOT easier. Please email me and let's chat :)

Fight The Good Fight of Faith said...

Courage! Praying for you. let it all out it's good for you then keeping it in!!I don't know how i'm going to handle going back to work and leaving my child behind, that's something I'm avoiding like a plague. Around here i've alredy been told to sign myself up for daycare since it takes like a year on a waiting list. By listing myself I feel like i'm giving him/her up before I even have her/him in my hands.
God will enlighten me at that point in time i hope!!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm a lurker but have following your story for awhile. We have two domestically adopted children, ages 7 and 3, and the one thing I've learned about parenthood is that it is infinitely more rewarding than I imagined and also infinitely more difficult. I also love your friend's saying that hard-won babies are still hard. That is sooo true! I think I will remember to tell myself that every time my 7 year old daughter acts like she's 13!

Congrats and God bless!
Jill

maggie said...

I LOVE that last paragraph. I am very tempted to copy it into an email and send it to Certain People, but I have a feeling they wouldn't take it well. SIGH.

And you don't sound whiny, you sound like a MOTHER! It's HARD WORK, LADY!

Meredith said...

I feel ya! 1 year old twins who can climb, crawl, and scream. It's Friday and I feel like crud, Irene has an ear infection, and Jack a cold. Our house looks like Toys R Us exploded.

At least our dreams have come true and we are moms. Remember when we begged for this moment. Enjoy it, it goes by fast. I'm learning to just nap or take on help when need be.

My sister comes and helps us out watching the kids. If you can save $$ and get a friend to help watch the babies a couple hours a few times a week, while you run around trying to clean, clean, clean I understand. Help is good!

corey said...

“Hello!

I want to let you know about an awesome group called “Kepha, the Brotherhood of the Iron Will.” Kepha is a growing brotherhood of Catholic fathers and sons in seven states that are faithful to the Holy Father. We promote the Culture of Life through monthly retreats and shared daily prayers and provoke each other to Heaven according to our motto, "Dynamic Orthodoxy, Infectious Joy."
Kepha’s is a high-octane Catholicism rejecting spiritual laziness and moral compromise. We are under the patronage of our "BIG 3": St. John Bosco, Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, and Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. Kepha members agree to live by 5 commitments : Apologetics, Brotherhood, Charity, Mortification and Prayer.

Kepha is a non-profit organization with chapters in Texas and Louisiana. If you know of any men who are looking for an excellent way to strengthen their relationships with their sons, then please tell them about Kepha.
You can find out more information on our web site at www.kepharocks.org
You can read an article about Kepha, our founder Brent Zeringue wrote here http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2001/0102fea4.asp

We look forward to hearing from you!

God bless you!
Corey Harned

WheelbarrowRider said...

This is in no way trying to minimize how you feel, but know that you are not alone. I have one child and feel that way, and others around me have many more including a sister with 3 under 4 years old. If we are lucky, we get to do the same thing every day-feed, naps, laundry, dishes, shower. That's it. On a bad day we don't get anything done besides feeding the baby and putting him/her/them to bed. Hang in there. There is a reason why people say it is so much work. And don't worry, that doesn't take one bit away from the blessing they are!

Todd said...

Is saying the Rosary Prayer important to you? If so, please take part in this anonymous online research study to provide more understanding about the place of the Rosary Prayer in Catholics' lives. This doctoral research is intended to provide information that can help mental health professionals to better serve their Catholic clients. Thank you for your help. https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/rosaryprayer

 

Made by Lena