Don't Try This at Home

Well, you might want to try this at home, but I hope you don't have cause to. I was coming upstairs today and saw Wonderdog standing at the top of the stairs gagging. I freaked out Mr. X by yelling and throwing the armload of binders I was carrying on the floor. I grabbed the dog's collar and got her out the back door, but she didn't actually throw up. So, I spent a few minutes outside petting her (I freaked her out, too) before I went back inside.

She had already thrown up. On the bedroom carpet. Again.

And Mr. X had this brilliant idea. After we scooped up as much as we could with a (disposable, of course) plastic plate cut in half and then blotted up some of the liquid, he just poured hydrogen peroxide on it. It took the stain out completely! Then we blotted it, rinsed with water and blotted a couple of times, and the odor was gone, too. I was amazed.

Of course, we should have checked to make sure the carpet was colorfast first, but we don't tend to spend the time on those steps . . .

So, that's my random household tip of the day.

And I realized that yesterday was my blogoversary. Yay!

Flurry of activity

Since I last posted, it seems like time is just flying by. Thank you for the kind comments and good advice on my post about what I should be doing! I was mulling things over when I went to church last Sunday and, like kcmarie, found myself listening to a great homily about the Jesus and the Canaanite woman. This was the relevant passage from the Gospel reading:

[22] And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and cried, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely possessed by a demon."
[23] But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, "Send her away, for she is crying after us."
[24] He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."
[25] But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me."
[26] And he answered, "It is not fair to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs."
[27] She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."
[28] Then Jesus answered her, "O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire." And her daughter was healed instantly. (Matthew 15:22-28, RSV)

The archbishop (as usual) gave a fantastic homily. He said that the Canaanite woman shows us how to "be pushy" with God. She was humble, but she was persistent, and in the end, her prayer was answered. I so needed to hear that! So, I'm praying again for a baby.

As I said, things have been really busy around here. Since I last posted, we bought new appliances and we've been collecting estimates for new kitchen counters. The new refrigerator is my favorite (and no, that's not what we paid for it--it was on sale!). You see, the refrigerator we currently own--the one that came with the house--is a fancy-schmantsy side-by-side with an ice maker and water dispenser. I'd never had one before (I know--welcome to the '90s)! Not only was it disgustingly filthy inside (after spending a day cleaning it, we determined that the nastiness I had scrubbed out of the freezer was mainly a combination of beer and coffee grounds), but it turned out that the cheapo plumbing job the previous owner did to hook up said ice maker and water dispenser had resulted in a leak in our wall. And--here's the kicker--you can't have a side-by-side in that space! The laws of physics prohibit it! The fridge is in a corner of the kitchen, with the counter to one side and a WALL to the other side. What that means is that the freezer door, which is on the wall side, opens only until it's at a 90-degree angle to the front of the fridge . . . which means we can't pull the baskets or the ice bin out of the freezer. So . . . bottom freezer it is, and I'm so happy about it!

I'll post some pictures later this week (riveting stuff, like my first from-scratch cake ever and the tomato from our tomato plants). Right now, it's Peak + 6, and some big things are going on around here. We're making some decisions about adoption (I'm all giddy about that), and if I'm not pregnant, I'll be going in for another selective HSG in the next cycle. So, one way or another, I think I'll have some major (well, major to me, anyway) news to share in the next few weeks!

Scatterbrained . . .

I'm at Peak+1 right now, and I just realized that I forgot to use OPKs this cycle. Completely forgot. How is that possible?

Where Do I Go from Here?

I've been thinking a lot lately about whether I should continue to pray for a child. I just don't know. I've been praying for quite a while, and I think God knows what I want. Maybe it's not what He wants for us . . . maybe not now, maybe not ever. I've been trying not to plan my life around anticipated due dates, and that's led me to wonder what we should plan for our life if we never have a child to raise. Will we be OK if that never happens?

I think about it, and when most of my friends were getting married, I was still in grad school, praying for a husband. I hated being one of the last single ones at friends' weddings. I threw my bouquet from the church steps because I was so sick of being the last one urged to go out on the dance floor to fight for the bouquet, and I didn't want to do that to my single friends. (My 16-year-old cousin caught the bouquet, and she was thrilled!) By the time I got married, my close friends, with two exceptions, had children, were in the process of adopting, or were expecting their first baby. Heck, half of my bridesmaids were either pregnant or had brand new babies. I just feel like I'm going to be so old when I finally have children!

I've really been reminding myself a lot lately that I have no idea what goes on in others' hearts. I'm just having an envious moment here. I had to wait what felt like an awfully long time for a husband, and now I'm waiting quite a long time to be able to bring a child home. Why don't others have to wait? I always hoped to get married and have children young. It didn't work out that way. I sometimes resent the years that I didn't know my husband. I wish I had been there in the stories he tells about the years before we met. This cycle is the last chance for us to have a child before my next birthday. I see our chances decreasing as I age, and I see the risks increasing.

I didn't mean to be so gloomy. I'm usually so optimistic and philosophical about the whole thing. I've written before that I think God has used this experience of infertility to give me greater compassion and to soften my heart. How much softer can it get? Everything gets me choked up. I don't mean that I'm depressed, but I'm just so sentimental. We had a special mass a couple of weeks ago for students going off to college, and they gave away two scholarships at the end of the mass. A girl a few pews behind us won one of the scholarships, and I just about burst into tears. She looked so young and hopeful, and her parents looked so proud, it was just about too much for me! I am really struck by the beauty of the families that I see. I just feel like I have no place.

And I know. I know that I have no idea what those young families are suffering. I do know some of what my friends who didn't wait so long for their spouses and children have suffered--the loss of a parent, conflict in their families growing up, serious illness. I can appreciate the blessings that I do have--health, living parents, a happy marriage, and the list goes on. I know that the years I didn't know my husband helped to make us ready for each other when we did finally meet. I know that God's plan for me will be, ultimately, better than any I could imagine for myself.

So, I think for now, I may stop praying for a child. I may try just praying for the grace to accept God's will for my life. We'll keep doing what we need to do to give ourselves the best chances of having a child--biological or adopted--but I think for now I might need to stop asking. I need to focus on living my life the best I can, and if children come, then that will be wonderful. But I need to fill my life in other ways right now. When I was in grad school, I volunteered at a home for homeless pregnant women. I really believed in it and felt like I was making a significant contribution. A few years ago, I collected information about maternity homes and pregnancy centers around here, but, for obvious reasons, I don't think those would be the best volunteer options for me right now!

So . . . any great ideas? I think I need an attitude change. My life needs to be focused on something other than waiting.

I have to get organized.

For real, now. It's bad! I belong to a couple of professional organizations, and last year I chaired my part of one of them. I was supposed to hand on the files to my successor, and I just realized a few days ago that I hadn't sent them yet! And then I couldn't find them!

I spent the entire day today shoveling out my office. It's so much better than it was. I can see the desk. And the floor. I found the binder with the hard copies, but I'm still looking for the CD! I'm satisfied now that it's not at the office . . . which means it must be at home somewhere! Argh!

So, I am going to attempt the F.lylady system yet again. Wish me luck!

Oh, and I am working on the blanket. I went with option B, since it got the most votes. I'm making it with cotton, and it feels so nice! I just hope I finish it before our little niece is too big to enjoy it!

Nostalgia

Mr. X. left this morning for a business trip :(

Right now, I am getting my show tune fix. I've got the S.irius broadway station on (Mr. X is not a fan), and they just played the opening number from 1776, which we did in high school, and now they're playing "It's a Grand Night for Singing," which was our opening number for show choir in high school. We were a low-budget show choir, I later discovered. I made it into my college's show choir my freshman year (which was fun to tell my high school choir director, who was never all that impressed with me), and I found out just how all-out some high school show choirs went--they had elaborate costumes, sets, big-shot choreographers, and pyrotechnics. Seriously! When we needed "levels" in high school show choir, we didn't have risers--in the "Grand Night for Singing" number, I stood on a plastic milk crate.

One of the main reasons we even had a show choir and we did shows like 1776 was that my class and the classes ahead of and behind us had lots of boys in the choir and the musicals. There had been no show choir partially because of the lack of boys, so the director started it up again my junior year--and I didn't make it, but my younger brother did. We both made it the next year, and the director assigned dance partners by height and voice part. Which means my brother and I were assigned to be dance partners. Now, my brother and I like each other and all, but this turn of events did not make us all that happy. We managed to work out a trade.

But it was truly a bummer for all of us girls that we had three years of boy-intensive musicals. It doesn't get much more boy-intensive than 1776. In case you have the misforture never to have seen this one, it's about the debate over independence and the writing of the Declaration of Independence in the Continental Congress. John A.dams is the main character (which makes me even more a fan of the show, now that I've read the Mc.Cullough biography and am watching the miniseries), with Ben F.ranklin and Thomas J.efferson as major supporting characters. Most of the action takes place in congress . . . which means, of course, no women. The only two female characters in the show (as written) are Abigail A.dams (who appears in dream-sequence type scenes in which she and John are writing letters to each other) and Martha J.efferson (who's written as a sort of ditzy blonde who is brought to Philadelphia basically because J.efferson is so sexually frustrated he can't write the declaration--not so sure about the historical accuracy of that one). Anyway, love the show, but it's very frustrating to be a high school girl and see that one come up as the annual musical. The director worked a chorus into some of the numbers and made a few minor characters (the custodians--can't remember if there's more than one in the original, but we had two--and the courier) female, but it was really a boy show. Add in J.oseph and the A.mazing Technicolor D.reamcoat and D.amn Y.ankees, and we had three years of boy shows.

I am really excited about the opera this year, but I need to get myself into a musical soon!

Back again

I'm back! I made a quick trip, which involved surprising both parents for their birthdays. Here's a quick update:

• It's CD5. I think I fell victim to Clomid side effects (drying and poor lining). I'm assuming the poor lining based on the fact that my period was shorter than usual.
• For this new cycle, I'm on Letrozole again. Here's hoping it works again! I took it on Saturday, and I had hot flashes yesterday--not the most fun thing I've ever experienced.
• I broke down and bought a new battery charger for my camera, so more pictures to come!
• I rode my bike for the first time in three years today. We live on one side of the valley, and choosing to make my first trip across to the other side of the valley was not the wisest choice. I actually had to get off and walk before I made it to the top! And I had that muffled hearing thing I get before I pass out . . . but it was good! :)
• I can't think of too much else--I didn't sleep a whole lot on my trip, and I wiped myself out with that bike ride, so I'll write more tomorrow!