Saturday, July 26, 2008


We finally finished the darn floor the other day . . . and then scratched it moving the refrigerator back. If you ever put in hardwood flooring, be sure to use sliders or something under the fridge!! We had the back on cardboard and the front wheels on cardboard, and that was NOT sufficient! Fortunately, the touch-up kit seems to work well.

I had my Peak + 7 (7DPO) blood draw on Thursday. And it finally happened. The doctor's assistant--who does a great job drawing my blood--hit scar tissue in my left elbow. I have officially had too many blood draws. She apologized and I said, well, I've had an awful lot of blood draws over the past two years . . .

And then it kind of hit me that I've been going to this doctor for two years! This month makes three years since we started actively trying to conceive. I really thought I would be pregnant again by now. In my convoluted logic, I made myself feel better about having a miscarriage by assuming I would be pregnant again within a few months. I was imagining myself bringing home a baby and knowing that if I hadn't had a miscarriage then I wouldn't have that baby. Is that weird, or what?

I keep reminding myself that I need to trust in God's plan, and not my own. I'm doing pretty well at keeping that attitude, but then I have all of these deadlines in my head and contingencies that I use to plan the future. I'm going to see if I can start to let go of those and just live my life as it comes.


Just Me. said...

Thanks for visiting me.

There was an incident when I had so many blood draws that the nurse kept hitting my veins and when she finally got one, but just couldn't draw enough blood, she started hitting the syringe.

To my horror of all horrors, my blood started leaking from the syringe and it was at the tip of my tongue to swear!

I am so so sorry about your m/c. I am hoping for hope for you.


Jen said...

I can't wait to see pictures of the new floor!

No, I think your logic makes sense. It is always hard when our plans don't work out.

Anonymous said...

We did the same thing - put in our new, shiny, pretty, hardwood floor and when we moved our TV (which was in a cabinet) we gouged out a big place in the floor. About made me sick. They do make filler for just such thing. I guess we aren't the only ones who did this! I remember realizing I had been going to an RE for 2 years. Not long after that I switched RE's for various reasons, planned for an IVF, and the rest as they say, is history. Good luck and hope this is the month for you and your husband.
(ICLW visitor)

Echloe said...

Thanks to you and Mr. X for the comments on my blog.

I myself am still kind of surprised that I'm not pregnant yet. That I don't have a child yet. It can be hard to trust in God's plan. I hope that your deadlines match up with His very soon.

I'll keep you in my prayers. I'm catholic too and truly believe in the power of prayer. Sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me sane.

sara said...

Congrats on having the floor done, I hear you on the refrigerator though. We had ours redone a few years ago and when the painter moved it back a year later while working - it scratched :-( I was pretty sad about it. I hope that soon you will be holding that little one you have waited so long for. I found it so difficult to trust in God's plan sometimes (I'm Catholic also) when cycle after cycle wasn't working. I think it was one of the most frustrating things I had been through - both the infertility and the lapse it caused in my faith. I wish I was one of the people with rock solid faith that could say it wasn't affected by infertility - but I'm not and it was. In fact, there are still days where I struggle with it - but I'm working on it and trying to move forward one day at a time. So as hard as it is - try to hang in there - it will get better. I'll be thinking of you :-)

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

I can understand what you mean about the m/c. As you remember, I had my "false + hpt" the same day that you had your m/c. And the only way I got through that whole mess was by telling myself that I would be pg for real within 6 months. Well... here we are, almost 7 months later.

I think your rationale makes total sense, though... if you hadn't had your m/c, a LOT of things wouldn't have happened. And you wouldn't have the child that you are meant to have here on earth (no matter how long it may take to conceive). So don't feel weird about that. You're in my prayers, hon, and I am certain you'll get that miracle child. God bless!

Hafsa said...

Stumbled across your blog reading other blogs dealing with the Catholic womans perspective with infertility. Although my background is a little different, it is still refreshing to read and realize that not every woman battling infertility turns to IVF. I'm having a hard time of it somedays but reading blogs like yours and others have been a blessing.


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