This Sunday, I sang for Confirmation at our parish. Kids are confirmed in 8th grade here, and I love hearing the saints' names they choose. Among the boys, a lot chose Francis, Patrick, John Bosco, Leo, and Gabriel, and I also heard Christopher, Nicholas, Timothy, Michael, Ambrose, and Anthony. A lot of the girls chose Mary/Maria and Elizabeth, with a couple of Joans and Claires, as well as Agnes, Helen, Bridget, and Cecelia. The most unusual choices I heard were Ciprian and Hedwig.
No one chose my confirmation name! Watching the confirmandi come forward, I remembered going with my sponsor to meet with my pastor for the big interview to determine whether I was ready to be confirmed. The pastor was a very kind man who had been at our parish for as long as I could remember. He asked me which St. Anne I had chosen, and I told him I chose St. Anne, the mother of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Then he asked why I chose her, and I replied "She had a lot of faith." He smiled and said, "In your own words," which kind of annoyed and embarrassed me, because they were my own words. So, I said, "Well, she really wanted a child, and when she couldn't have one, she prayed, and she believed that God would send her a child. And He did."
I was thirteen, and such things as having babies and difficulty in having babies seemed absolutely mortifying to discuss. And, yes, I chose St. Anne because of her faith . . . but I was really choosing among St. Annes, not among all saints, because I was following a family tradition of taking one's sponsor's name as one's confirmation name. In fact, my sponsor pointed out to me at the confirmation rehearsal that adding my confirmation name would make my name into kind of a silly pun!
I never dreamed when I was in eighth grade that I'd be sitting here years and years later, needing exactly the kind of faith I described in St. Anne. And I really wonder whether God let those circumstances come together to give me a patron saint who could be a powerful intercessor for exactly the circumstances I find myself facing now.
I'm embarrassed now that, for all these years, I really haven't been praying to St. Anne. I think it's about time I started. If anyone has any great prayers or novenas to St. Anne, please pass them along! I'll be thinking of your intentions, too, and praying that our children come to all of us soon, by whatever means God intends them to come.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Crazy Weekend
I promised All You Who Hope that I would post this weekend! :) But it's been a crazy one! Between Mr. X and me, here's what we we did on Saturday:
I think that's plenty for one day, don't you? It was a lot of fun, though. It seems like we have no social things to do for weeks on end, and then all the fun things happen in one day!
- Took delivery of our appliances
- Found out the dishwasher can't go in until we take out the counter
- Attended a baby shower
- Finished crocheting a bunny for said baby shower
- Attended a baptism reception
- Had the hardwood floors fixed where the refrigerator delivery guys banged them up two weeks ago
- Met visiting friends for dinner
I think that's plenty for one day, don't you? It was a lot of fun, though. It seems like we have no social things to do for weeks on end, and then all the fun things happen in one day!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Due Date
The day I have been dreading is finally here. Today would have been my due date.
I really thought I'd be pregnant again by now, but I'm not. And, by the grace of God, I'm feeling all right about that at the moment. I'll always miss my first baby and wonder what it would have been like to be bringing a newborn home this weekend. I wonder so many things about that baby, and those questions will never have answers as long as I'm here on earth. So, I will grieve a little bit today for what might have been.
But I'll also thank God for what I do have and for what I will have in the future.
I feel blessed by the good things that have happened in the last few weeks, and I see that God cleared my path so that I would feel at peace today. When I asked the nurse at PPVI about having another selective HSG, I fully expected to wait six months until I could be scheduled. Instead, the perfect time was available--perfect for my cycle, perfect for our work schedules, and only weeks away. We traveled to Omaha and I dreaded hearing the news that my tubes had been clear all along, feeling foolish for asking for a procedure I didn't need, and facing the fact that there was no easy explanation for why I wasn't pregnant yet. Instead, the HSG was needed, and now my tubes are clear again.
We've been talking about adoption for years--since before we were engaged. We always knew that we wanted to adopt, but we were swimming in options, and nothing felt quite right. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned to my husband an adoption program we hadn't really considered before. And it just felt right to both of us. I don't want to write much about the details right now--we have a long wait ahead of us, and I want to wait until I know things are going well before I talk about the specifics. But we worked like crazy for the last few weeks, finishing paperwork, lining up references, organizing financial records, and filing our taxes before the extension deadlines.
This week, we made our way to the agency's office with our paperwork to officially be put on the waiting list. My husband arrived before I did, and I was hurrying to meet him. As I dashed through a sun shower to the office door, I looked up. The dark clouds in the west were divided from the blue eastern sky by a perfect triple rainbow. I had never seen one before, and I stood for just a moment to take it in before I walked inside.
If I were in control and could plan my life any way I liked, I know we wouldn't be where we are today. And I can't imagine where God is leading us, but I know that our future will be beyond anything I could plan on my own.
I really thought I'd be pregnant again by now, but I'm not. And, by the grace of God, I'm feeling all right about that at the moment. I'll always miss my first baby and wonder what it would have been like to be bringing a newborn home this weekend. I wonder so many things about that baby, and those questions will never have answers as long as I'm here on earth. So, I will grieve a little bit today for what might have been.
But I'll also thank God for what I do have and for what I will have in the future.
I feel blessed by the good things that have happened in the last few weeks, and I see that God cleared my path so that I would feel at peace today. When I asked the nurse at PPVI about having another selective HSG, I fully expected to wait six months until I could be scheduled. Instead, the perfect time was available--perfect for my cycle, perfect for our work schedules, and only weeks away. We traveled to Omaha and I dreaded hearing the news that my tubes had been clear all along, feeling foolish for asking for a procedure I didn't need, and facing the fact that there was no easy explanation for why I wasn't pregnant yet. Instead, the HSG was needed, and now my tubes are clear again.
We've been talking about adoption for years--since before we were engaged. We always knew that we wanted to adopt, but we were swimming in options, and nothing felt quite right. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned to my husband an adoption program we hadn't really considered before. And it just felt right to both of us. I don't want to write much about the details right now--we have a long wait ahead of us, and I want to wait until I know things are going well before I talk about the specifics. But we worked like crazy for the last few weeks, finishing paperwork, lining up references, organizing financial records, and filing our taxes before the extension deadlines.
This week, we made our way to the agency's office with our paperwork to officially be put on the waiting list. My husband arrived before I did, and I was hurrying to meet him. As I dashed through a sun shower to the office door, I looked up. The dark clouds in the west were divided from the blue eastern sky by a perfect triple rainbow. I had never seen one before, and I stood for just a moment to take it in before I walked inside.
If I were in control and could plan my life any way I liked, I know we wouldn't be where we are today. And I can't imagine where God is leading us, but I know that our future will be beyond anything I could plan on my own.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Quick Update
And while I'm thinking of it, here's a quick update. I had the selective HSG done, and thank goodness I did! One tube was completely blocked and the other was partially blocked! When I had my laparascopy, both tubes were completely blocked, and the doctor said they could become blocked again but that they usually stayed clear for at least a year (I believe that's what he told me!). So, since it had been more than a year, and three cycles of clomid or letrozole with no pregnancy, I asked and he agreed that another HSG would be a good idea. So, we had a quick (in some ways . . . not in hours of driving) trip to Omaha, and now all is clear again!
Oops!
Hmm . . . This Cross I Embrace tagged me . . . and I did this and then saved it without posting it. Oops! Here it is . . . and if you haven't done it yet, consider yourself tagged!
Rules: Answer each question with one word and tag four others to play.
1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your significant other? husband
3. Your hair? red
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? patient
6. Your favorite thing? summer
7. Your dream last night? weird
8. Your favorite drink? cola
9. Your dream/goal? musical
10. The room you're in? dining
11. Your hobby? singing
12. Your fear? rejection
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? elsewhere
14. What you're not? mean
15. Muffins? huh?
16. One of your wish list items? piano
17. Where you grew up? Midwest
18. The last thing you did? paid
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Favorite Gadget? phone
21. Your pet? dog
22. Your computer? new
23. Your mood? happy
24. Missing someone? baby
25. Your car? Corolla
26. Something you are not wearing? socks
27. Favorite Store? book
28. Like someone? husband
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? tonight
31. Last time you cried? Olympics
Rules: Answer each question with one word and tag four others to play.
1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your significant other? husband
3. Your hair? red
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? patient
6. Your favorite thing? summer
7. Your dream last night? weird
8. Your favorite drink? cola
9. Your dream/goal? musical
10. The room you're in? dining
11. Your hobby? singing
12. Your fear? rejection
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? elsewhere
14. What you're not? mean
15. Muffins? huh?
16. One of your wish list items? piano
17. Where you grew up? Midwest
18. The last thing you did? paid
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Favorite Gadget? phone
21. Your pet? dog
22. Your computer? new
23. Your mood? happy
24. Missing someone? baby
25. Your car? Corolla
26. Something you are not wearing? socks
27. Favorite Store? book
28. Like someone? husband
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? tonight
31. Last time you cried? Olympics
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Don't Try This at Home
Well, you might want to try this at home, but I hope you don't have cause to. I was coming upstairs today and saw Wonderdog standing at the top of the stairs gagging. I freaked out Mr. X by yelling and throwing the armload of binders I was carrying on the floor. I grabbed the dog's collar and got her out the back door, but she didn't actually throw up. So, I spent a few minutes outside petting her (I freaked her out, too) before I went back inside.
She had already thrown up. On the bedroom carpet. Again.
And Mr. X had this brilliant idea. After we scooped up as much as we could with a (disposable, of course) plastic plate cut in half and then blotted up some of the liquid, he just poured hydrogen peroxide on it. It took the stain out completely! Then we blotted it, rinsed with water and blotted a couple of times, and the odor was gone, too. I was amazed.
Of course, we should have checked to make sure the carpet was colorfast first, but we don't tend to spend the time on those steps . . .
So, that's my random household tip of the day.
And I realized that yesterday was my blogoversary. Yay!
She had already thrown up. On the bedroom carpet. Again.
And Mr. X had this brilliant idea. After we scooped up as much as we could with a (disposable, of course) plastic plate cut in half and then blotted up some of the liquid, he just poured hydrogen peroxide on it. It took the stain out completely! Then we blotted it, rinsed with water and blotted a couple of times, and the odor was gone, too. I was amazed.
Of course, we should have checked to make sure the carpet was colorfast first, but we don't tend to spend the time on those steps . . .
So, that's my random household tip of the day.
And I realized that yesterday was my blogoversary. Yay!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Flurry of activity
Since I last posted, it seems like time is just flying by. Thank you for the kind comments and good advice on my post about what I should be doing! I was mulling things over when I went to church last Sunday and, like kcmarie, found myself listening to a great homily about the Jesus and the Canaanite woman. This was the relevant passage from the Gospel reading:
[22] And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and cried, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely possessed by a demon."
[23] But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, "Send her away, for she is crying after us."
[24] He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."
[25] But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me."
[26] And he answered, "It is not fair to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs."
[27] She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."
[28] Then Jesus answered her, "O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire." And her daughter was healed instantly. (Matthew 15:22-28, RSV)
The archbishop (as usual) gave a fantastic homily. He said that the Canaanite woman shows us how to "be pushy" with God. She was humble, but she was persistent, and in the end, her prayer was answered. I so needed to hear that! So, I'm praying again for a baby.
As I said, things have been really busy around here. Since I last posted, we bought new appliances and we've been collecting estimates for new kitchen counters. The new refrigerator is my favorite (and no, that's not what we paid for it--it was on sale!). You see, the refrigerator we currently own--the one that came with the house--is a fancy-schmantsy side-by-side with an ice maker and water dispenser. I'd never had one before (I know--welcome to the '90s)! Not only was it disgustingly filthy inside (after spending a day cleaning it, we determined that the nastiness I had scrubbed out of the freezer was mainly a combination of beer and coffee grounds), but it turned out that the cheapo plumbing job the previous owner did to hook up said ice maker and water dispenser had resulted in a leak in our wall. And--here's the kicker--you can't have a side-by-side in that space! The laws of physics prohibit it! The fridge is in a corner of the kitchen, with the counter to one side and a WALL to the other side. What that means is that the freezer door, which is on the wall side, opens only until it's at a 90-degree angle to the front of the fridge . . . which means we can't pull the baskets or the ice bin out of the freezer. So . . . bottom freezer it is, and I'm so happy about it!
I'll post some pictures later this week (riveting stuff, like my first from-scratch cake ever and the tomato from our tomato plants). Right now, it's Peak + 6, and some big things are going on around here. We're making some decisions about adoption (I'm all giddy about that), and if I'm not pregnant, I'll be going in for another selective HSG in the next cycle. So, one way or another, I think I'll have some major (well, major to me, anyway) news to share in the next few weeks!
[22] And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and cried, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely possessed by a demon."
[23] But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, "Send her away, for she is crying after us."
[24] He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."
[25] But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me."
[26] And he answered, "It is not fair to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs."
[27] She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."
[28] Then Jesus answered her, "O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire." And her daughter was healed instantly. (Matthew 15:22-28, RSV)
The archbishop (as usual) gave a fantastic homily. He said that the Canaanite woman shows us how to "be pushy" with God. She was humble, but she was persistent, and in the end, her prayer was answered. I so needed to hear that! So, I'm praying again for a baby.
As I said, things have been really busy around here. Since I last posted, we bought new appliances and we've been collecting estimates for new kitchen counters. The new refrigerator is my favorite (and no, that's not what we paid for it--it was on sale!). You see, the refrigerator we currently own--the one that came with the house--is a fancy-schmantsy side-by-side with an ice maker and water dispenser. I'd never had one before (I know--welcome to the '90s)! Not only was it disgustingly filthy inside (after spending a day cleaning it, we determined that the nastiness I had scrubbed out of the freezer was mainly a combination of beer and coffee grounds), but it turned out that the cheapo plumbing job the previous owner did to hook up said ice maker and water dispenser had resulted in a leak in our wall. And--here's the kicker--you can't have a side-by-side in that space! The laws of physics prohibit it! The fridge is in a corner of the kitchen, with the counter to one side and a WALL to the other side. What that means is that the freezer door, which is on the wall side, opens only until it's at a 90-degree angle to the front of the fridge . . . which means we can't pull the baskets or the ice bin out of the freezer. So . . . bottom freezer it is, and I'm so happy about it!
I'll post some pictures later this week (riveting stuff, like my first from-scratch cake ever and the tomato from our tomato plants). Right now, it's Peak + 6, and some big things are going on around here. We're making some decisions about adoption (I'm all giddy about that), and if I'm not pregnant, I'll be going in for another selective HSG in the next cycle. So, one way or another, I think I'll have some major (well, major to me, anyway) news to share in the next few weeks!
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